If this is the first sorority post you are reading from me, I recommend you check out these first: Pre-Rush Events&Questions to Consider! , Rush Day One! , Rush Day Two! , Rush Day Three! , Rush Day Four!- Why I Dropped Out of Recruitment
This subject is one that is very sensitive to me and close to my heart, but I know that a lot of my followers may be struggling with the same things as me and dealing with tough changes, and I can only hope to show them that they’re not alone and hope that my post benefits them in any way.
I am sitting here, staring at my laptop, forcing myself to push deeper for this post. Forcing myself to draw up memories I have attempted to bury and relive the heart break that took me by surprise. I am squinting at the screen, holding back tears, wondering how I am going to make it through this post. I want my writing to be real. I want other girls that have gone through similar experiences to find comfort in my words. To know that they are not alone.
When I was in middle and early high school, I had the best friendship of my life. We did literally everything together; we had a routine together. We spent Friday nights at my house and Saturday nights and every other in between at hers. And the summers!- We practically lived at each other’s houses. Every vacation we took was together. Every detail of our lives was shared with one another; most of the time, we lived through those details together. I was the Khloè to her Kourtney Kardashian. She knew how I felt just by hearing a situation, no explanation needed. There were literally moments where I would sit in disbelief and awe at the fact that we were best friends. I would sit and think, “having a best friend like this is too good to be true.” I would always tell her, “I can’t believe you’re my best friend.” She always took it negatively, but I meant it with love. We were only children; but to each other, the sister we never had.
Naturally, we grew apart. I am not sure what happened. One day we were inseparable, the next we barely saw each other. I do not know that it is anyone’s fault, things like this just happen. They do. And it is heartbreaking. We still talk, hangout occasionally, and have very much in common and see many things in the same way. When we are around each other, it can feel like no time has been lost; but we have not been like we were for years. Ever since we fell apart, my heart has longed for that kind of friendship, one where we feel more like sisters than best friends.
This is why I wanted to join a sorority so badly; I wanted to find friends that felt more like sisters. It breaks my heart every time I see a group of friends that are obviously close and have a special bond because I want that in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends that I love, but I do not have anyone that I am super close with. I have had other friends I would consider to be my best friends throughout the years, but the relationship I am referring to was unlike any of the others. I thought that if I joined a sorority, I would find that friendship I have been searching for.
After I dropped out of recruitment, I was invited to a sorority to informally meet some of the girls because they did not fill their pledge class this year. I was excited to have another chance at joining as a freshman, but things did not work out. It was a very informal ice cream event where a few of the sisters met about 30 girls interested in joining. During recruitment, I was having one on one conversations with the chapter members. At this event, there were about four interested girls to one sister.
It takes a while for me to warm up to people and be confident speaking out in groups, and this is a huge weakness for me. I talked as much as I felt comfortable, but I could not thrive in that situation. My inability to speak up around new people resulted in the sister not getting to know me well and me not being invited back. My shyness was a detrimental quality in this situation, and I realized this is probably why I struggle with making friends. I do not like being out of my comfort zone. I am not good at socializing with people I do not know. I hoped that I would join a sorority and it would force me to stop being awkward in crowds. But since I did not join, I am now terrified that I will never be able to find that friendship that I am striving for because I am too uncomfortable to reach out to people I do not know.
Maybe my one sister-like relationship was the only one I will have in my lifetime. Maybe that relationship is one that cannot be replaced. Maybe my age group has outgrown these kinds of inseparable friendships. No matter what, I am thankful for that friendship and would not change it for the world. I know at the very end of the day, if I ever really need something, my best friend will there for me.
I am sharing this dress because it is was I wore when I went and met with the sorority informally. I got it at Romwe and you can read all about my experience shopping with them here: 4 Dresses, 4 Tops, and 2 Bathing Suits all for only $100?! My Experience: Shopping Romwe and Haul!